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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After the fire drill (which turned out to be a false alarm, thank goodness), we head back inside. I’m trying to regain control of the class when suddenly, the power goes out. Like, seriously? It’s like the universe is testing me. I’m standing there in the dark, and all I can think is, “This is gonna make a great story someday.”

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